Advice for being a good friend
Why finding yourself is the WORST advice ever!
Dear Network Capital readers,
In our early celebration of friendships and friendship day we talked about the complex matrix of modern relationships. We talked about how on Network Capital, regardless of business decisions and product updates, the community and the relationships it has fostered have been the most important.
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Mediated via algorithmic black boxes, pseudonymity and these niche interests, the 2.0 version of digital friendships are intimate in a novel way. They provide you with tiny windows in which you feel seen and understood. Windows in which your existential loneliness takes a backseat and you find someone who cares about things that matter to you and understands your eclectic interests, all through a shiny mirrored screen.
In this newsletter, in an ode to friendships, we want to talk about the most important relationship you might ever have — the one with yourself.
To be a good friend, you need to be in a place of internal understanding and calm so that you can show up when required. To navigate this labyrinth of being good to yourself and having a good relationship with yourself, a popular piece of advice that is given is to — ‘find yourself’.
Many Bollywood movies and pop-culture references will tell you that if you try, travel, and take therapy you will be able to make this journey of ‘finding yourself’, like the way pirates find treasures hidden at the bottom of the ocean.
With all due respect to the well-meaning people who have doled out these words of wisdom, in reality, it means nothing. No trek or road trip will help you ‘find yourself’; because there is no one self.
So, as we celebrate the importance and beauty of friendships, we would like to invite you to discard this, and instead consider replacing the idea of ‘finding yourself’ with ‘knowing yourself’. You can be only kind to others when you’re kind to yourself.